Crookluck Jonathan sings Psalms unto the Cabal – by Ogunyemi Bukola
(1) Behold after all these things, that Crookluck Jonathan called unto himself all the crooks in the land, and said unto them: Rejoice O crooks and be happy, for our nemesis the fuel subsidy report is dead and buried.
(2) So they ate and drank, even from evening till the morning of thefollowing day. And Crookluck opened his mouth and sang a psalm unto the cabalwhich had delivered them from the doom:
(3) The bribe is the cabals’ and the kickbacks thereof; the loot and theythat share therein. For he hath founded it upon the subsidy allocation, andexpended it upon election campaigns.
(4) Who shall ascend into the house of the cabal? Or who shall sit inhis Maitama mansion? He that hath wide pockets, and a big cap; who hath notlifted up his hand to collect mere Naira.
(5) He shall receive the dollars from the cabal, and protection from theumbrella of his party of allegiance. These are the politicians that seek thyface O dollars.
(6) Lift up your caps, O ye crooks, and be ye opened wide ye ever yieldingpockets, that the wads of dollars may come in. Who is this ‘donor’ of dollars?The cabal strong and mighty; the cabal mighty in bribery.
(7) Lo, bribes are a heritage of the crook, and the kickbacks from thecabal are his reward. As N20s are in the hands of a policeman, so are dollarsin the hands of a good crook.
(8) Happy is the crook that hath his cap full of them; he shall not bearrested, but shall speak with the police in a merry-go-round.
(9) He that dwelleth in the subsidy loot of the cabal shall abide underthe shadow of corruption. I will say of the cabal, he is my refuge and myfortress; my loot in it will I trust.
(10) Surely he shall deliver me from the probe of the legislooters, andfrom the indictment of the subsidy panel.
(11) If it had not been for the cabal who was on our side, now may thecrooks say: if it had not been the cabal who was on our side, when the subsidypanel rose up against us; then had they indicted us gravely, when the people’swrath was kindled against us.
(12) Blessed be the cabal who hath not given us a prey unto their anger.Our loot is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the probe; the report iscompromised and we are escaped.
(13) Our help is in the bribe of the cabal, who made the crooks and thethieves.
(14) Except the cabal forsakes a crook, they labour in vain thatprosecute him, except the cabal exposes a scam; the EFCC searcheth but in vain.
(15) They that trust in the cabal shall be as Crookluck, which cannotbe impeached,but abideth forever. As the looters are round about Aso Rock, sothe cabal is round about his crooks from henceforth, even forever.
(16) For the indictment of the subsidy panel shall not rest upon theloot of the crooks, lest the crooks put forth their hands into the foreignreserve.
(17) Give bribes O cabal unto those that they trust, and to them thatprobe us in their committees.
When the cabal turned out the report of the subsidy panel, we were likethem that dream.
(18) The was our mouth filled with beer, and our teeth with suya; thensaid they among the masses, the cabal hath done great things for them. Thecabal hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad.
(19) Turn out the Malabu scam report O cabal, as you did the subsidyreport, that they that loot in fear shall enjoy it with courage.
(20) O cabal in thee do I put my trust, save me from all them thatprosecute me, and deliver me; for in your scams do I rejoice, and in my lootsdo I prosper.
(21) So the crooks and the cabal continued to rejoice in theirassembly, and the people were without hope, and said unto themselves; who shalldeliver us from their hands?
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